Awkward Thai Moments

Who’s been a lazy girl?

That would be me.  Apologies!  I’ve been a little... distracted.  Ever since school started up, suddenly a million and one reasons to not write a blog have popped up.  I’ve started teaching English three mornings a week with the peeps at the school (they’re a gorgeous bunch – did I ever mention how much I love Asians?), and in-between that , babysitting, teaching some kids after school and sitting in on some of the classes, the rest of my spare time has been spent chilling with my students.

But!  I would like to repent of my laziness and make amends with another thrilling read for you all.*

So, the topic in mention today is AWKWARD THAI MOMENTS.

In this area of life, I have much experience.  Actually, it’s pretty much like my entire life is an awkward moment.  So perhaps the title would more accurately be called, ‘JACKI’S AWKWARD LIFE’.

Nah.

Here’s a concise (but not comprehensive) collection of some of my memorable encounters to date:

#1           Using the word for ‘brothel’ instead of ‘teach’. “I work in a brothel as an English teacher!”

#2           Mispronouncing the word for ‘friend’, and so unintentionally using the slang term for ‘husband’ – just picture what that means when I talk about my various ‘friends’ all over the country...

#3           Trying to ride a bicycle in a skirt.  Fail.

#4           Wearing thongs and jeans around for months, only to one day realise that nobody else dresses like that for work.

#5           Making friends with a bookstore owner who tried to give me half of her store as a gift of our friendship.

#6           Receiving a 30 minute sermon from an enthusiastic Pentecostal who didn’t realise I don’t speak that much Thai.

#7           Receiving a 45 minute lecture from a well-meaning, dear lady who took it upon herself to point out my shortcomings to me.

#8           Being wooed with Elvis Presley love songs by a man old enough to be my grandfather.  This lasted for an entire hour.  On a bus.  With no escape. (Except at the last minute, when I made a timely exit from the bus, and slipped away)

#9           Wearing a longi to school – but not wearing it right.  I had the seam showing, and had used two dirty big safety pins to hold it together.  The girls were curious as to how I’d done it, and so, in front of some of the boys, accosted me to find out (as in, they lifted up my shirt to see the top of the skirt).  My horror at this invasion of personal space gave great amusement to the students (who are master longi-wearers, and are not shy about these things).

#10         Wearing smart-looking, black fisherman pants to school – and being quietly, gently, told that really, only men wear those kind of pants in this part of the world.  Ah, I see.

#11         Being questioned on a weekly – sometimes daily – basis about my relationship status.  Now, as much as I prefer to tell the truth, doing so often results in people offering me assistance.  ‘Oh, you’re single?  I have a son who’s the same age as you!’ ‘I think you should marry a Thai man.’ ‘He’s single, he’s single, he’s single, oh, and he’s single, too.’ ‘We’ll just have to find you a husband.’

#12         Trying to cook decent Western treats for friends – and failing miserably.  I’ll either forget the recipe, forget an ingredient, or fail find self-raising flour.  To their credit, everybody always says it’s delicious... but let’s be honest, folks.  Those meat pies looked and tasted NOTHING like they should have.

#13         Being hauled up in front of large crowds – it could be to perform a song, an English lesson, an off-the-cuff Thai speech (I have not succeeded at this to date), collecting the offering at church... I just sigh, comply, and thank God that I don’t understand most of the comments people are making about me.

#14         The boys asking me to define terms such as 'flirtatious' and 'orgies'.  I just get a little uncomfortable around these topics, OK?!

Yet despite all these awkward moments, and the many awkward moments that are yet to come, I can’t help but laugh at myself.  Of course I’m going to make mistakes; I’m only 5 months old in this culture.

Also, as one friend explained to me, Thais love to have fun with words.  I’ve decided I like this Thai tradition of ‘playing with words’ – even though it’s taken me a good 5 months to adjust to this sense of humour.  However, I don’t think my language is anywhere NEAR good enough to make jokes myself.  I think I’ll wait awhile for that one.

And while I’m still finding my feet, at least I’m providing amusement for many, many gorgeous Asians.  A fool for Christ?  Well, it’s my desire to give all glory to God, so even when I can’t control the sanity of a situation, here’s trusting He can use these moments for His glory, too.

*Whilst it is sincerely hoped that one and all will find this interesting and humorous to read, no responsibility is taken if readers do not enjoy this blog.  

P.S. Sorry about the lack of photos!  I told you I've been lazy...